the price n effects of sin :S

Hi,

I hope this is different,

well the theme would be thought and sin.

and consequences!

To me when I think about sin, I do that thing I think we all do, saying one is better or worse or more acceptable than another, but to God they are all the same.

I think more often than not when we look at what we are doing, when we are trying not to mess up we tend to see action as more of the issue. This misses out how apathy can be just as sinful as action. To negate action when you know your letting something that isn't of God happen, then its sin!

This sin of apathy can then spread into other sins that we are less able to discard.

In my own life my apathy turned into sin and I am living with the consequences of those things i should never have allowed happen. Which due to my own lac of integrity and action, have consumed my life for so long.

See despite being forgiven for my sins, and forgiving those who sin against me the consequences of my sin are still there. The habits that I took up when I was apathetic have stretched deep into my life that some despite not being habitual any longer I struggle to not do due to the hold it once had on my life. And the emotional and psychological scars and effects of my own sin still have a hold and I still fight against. I live in the faith that the Lord will heal my heart from these consequences of my own sin, and pray he would give me the patience to wait on his timing.

I pray the Lord would bless you and guide you away from this sin of apathy.

Getting in the way :S

Lil's been a bit of a state most of her life and is on a mission to change!

Might sound silly, but I've kinda come to the conclusion that the majority of my blerb to date has been my being a emotional state and proclaiming the truths I know of the lord that despite what I'm going through He is Good and Sovereign, and that in everything he works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. Which is true and biblical. I hope that despite my humanity and emotional nature that you will have been encouraged by the lords work in my life.

Despite aiming to encourage I have started to think that this blerb might not be a good idea, because in the process of recapping all of what I feel I am learning it feels as though it is indulging in my humanity and not the lords strength in me which is greater than all else.

I may continue to write on here on occasion though it will not be in the same way, I don't know how it will be yet.

As it is with me and my heart, I have come to the realisation that close friends of the opposite gender isn't a good idea full stop, it's too messy and I don't mean I don't believe people can be close friends I'm just realising how much further back I have to draw the lines in my friendships, and that until I know its of the lord and in his timing for me to consider a relationship then I'm aspiring to change the way I think that its not a issue in the way I think and feel and I pray the lord will help me to change that.

I may try and "get in the way" of someone in a Ruth sense, but its coming from a place of faith that if its of the lord it will come into fruition and if it is not then the lord will change my heart from where it is now.

I have been blessed with such a abundance of female friends the lord has really answered my prayers last year I felt so isolated and this year I'm blessed.

I'm sorry if that is more of a ramble than intended.

I pray the lord would bless you and keep you all

and that the lord would help us to all change more into his likeness.

Freedom and Faith

lol, loving alliteration :) (= English geek)

Well I've had quite a day..

Was taken completely off guard by an apology that may have been months in the making, but made me feel from a blame that had been put on me almost all year.

I'm so happy that it is finally happened, I knew God could do it but had no idea it would be now, had been praying about it for months, but who knows God's timing hey!

Now I feel free, from the sin that it was bound to, and the bitterness it made me feel toward the person that said it.

Mmm.. today isn't going to be high in detail, suppose that's a good thing.

I'm really happy, Seeing Gods hand in my life.

Knowing his will for my life is perfect, and better than anything I could imagine.

I'm still feeling pain as the consequences of my own sin, but I know all things are possible in Christ, he can redeem all things, and the things we see as impossible are possible in him!!

Today was just the start!

Hallelujah!

Where You Go I Go!

Loving the Lord :)

Mmmm...

..The spiritual high may have been a long time forcast, but i think it may have finally arrived :)

Hallelujah!!

Having spent a weekend in a state of physical depletion and emotional exhaustion, whilst at the CU's weekend away, I felt the lord open my heart and eyes in worship like he hasn't for months.

With all the emotional issues I have indulged in over the last few months I hadn't drew or painted or felt completely resigned in worship like I have the past weekend.

As my pictures are a overflow of my heart for God it is really significant to me to be able to draw again.

sooo I ammm sooooo happy :)

this weekend I have drawn like three different things all to Gods glory and I love worshipping him through my art.

I also love singing!

Despite thinking I'm pants!

I cant match the peace and complete contented joy I feel when I'm singing my lungs out in complete surrender to the Lord!

What a weekend!

May have had a few emotional melt downs to my complete exhaustion and feeling at the end of myself but that's what needed to happen for me to feel this close to God!

For weeks I have been praying for a desperation of spirit..

.. despite praying it I have been so scared about what it would take for the Lord to get me to that place of complete surrender.

As it is it took me losing the closest thing to me and not having time to do anything that I love to do, so having spent a month stressing out, praying for sustenance and hoping it would all just stop so that I could breath and look at the cross..

.. but it's helped me realise that the cross is as true and important in those busy times, its a head to heart knowledge thing.. I know in my head that the cross has all the answers.. but in my head it takes to get to the end of my self and to depend on the lord fully, to see just some of the extent of his mercy and love and grace for the context of my daily surrender, and to submit all my ways and thoughts to him that I wouldn't become bitter or pained or spiteful that I would trust in his sovereignty in my life.

Now having got to a place of knowing in my heart more of his love and the power of that where I am I am happy and truly contented in my spirit and heart that no matter what the world throw's at me the Lord Jesus My Saviour and King is bigger than anything that the devil has for me.

So I pray that as I feel so built in the Lord that he would use me and strengthen me in him,

that as the enemy will attack, that I might depend on Christ more, and know more of the power and authority of His name in my life.

The name of this post comes from the song sung by Jesus Culture - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2U3PU-E32E&feature=related

What a life to live, in Him, for Him, about Him!

Hallelujah!

Our God reigns!

He is our Soverign King!

Messiah!

Holy!

Blameless!

Praise the lord that we may dwell in his presence and in fellowship, with him, through his spirit, all our days.

Hallelujah :)

confused-the-meerkat.com

I'm confused!

Was wondering if anyone could help?

Over the past few days i have been listening to a friend talk on the topic of being a new creation, and I have been listening to sermons that contain information that seems to contradict my friend n I'm confused between the two arguments.

I thought perhaps if I shared them someone might give feedback!

I might be being really dim but it is conflicting in my head n i thought this was the best way to ask.

Argument one:

We are sinners saved by grace!

Despite our salvation we are still sinners and innately sinful and challenged by human weakness.

That we have to pray for the continued transformation into the likeness and that being washed in his blood and clothed in his righteousness we can come before him and ask for forgiveness and guidance despite our human weakness.

Argument two:

We were sinners but are redeemed by grace!

That in being born again as a new creation we are no longer in need of transformation nor innately sinful. That in our new form we are completely redeemed and need to live in that redemption and to pray to be transformed into the likeness of Christ is to deny what he did for us on the cross.

I don't know if anyone has any opinions?

Im feeling a little like a confused meerkat but God is good and his truth will stand firm it may be a combination of the two but as it is I am lost and hope someone would be able to shed some lite on it for me.

Thank you.

God bless x

Consequences..

The consequence of sin is death!!
... basic Christian principle.

Dieing to self and living for Christ..
... = Eternal Life!!!!

Eternity...

Revelation 20v ..
¹¹Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. Earth and sky fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. ¹²And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. ¹³The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. ¹⁴Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. ¹⁵If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.

Second death = eternity in torment

Death to self n life in christ = one death to self, no second death, = name in lambs book of life!

If this is the consequences why are we so careless with the souls of others?

Why arn't we fighting to share the lord in every way we can, with everyone we can, in any way we can????

How selfish are we really that we can know Christ and the consequences of our sin and what we have been saved from and not care about sharing the gift with others?????

Even if he hadn't commanded us to go out into all the world and preach the gospel, shouldnt we want to share what he has given enough to do it out of our joy??

As he asks us to go out n preach his word shouldn't that just give us more of a incentive???

I pray that in obedience we would all seek to share him with those we encounter in our daily lives that we would be a living example of his love and grace not that we are proud or perfect but that all that we are is made right in him and that we would love him and share him with thouse around us by his grace through his love and peace. Amen.

Hidden Truthes

In April before i went to India i was staying at my friends house and i felt like God was really speaking to me through the lyrics of a secular song. It might not seem that much of a biggy but at the time it really hit me about how we get so caught up in the romantic notions of our heads that we miss that the Greatest love story ever told is that of Jesus and his love for his bride the church which we are a part of!

The Turtles - Happy Together ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnNIx-NRdoI&feature=related )
Might sound like a funny song to think wow that's Gods affection for me but it really hit me how depending on the Lord is such a gift of his love and if we depend on him the way he wants us to in his love that it is all worth it.

When lookin for a link with the words i found this ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDQ5kt4BYnI&feature=related ) which is a flobot version which really amused me because its like from the simplicity about a song that is jus about how a love was predestined and just untimely and right to over complicating it and making it so much more complicated than God intended it to be.

It encourages us to indulge in our sinful hearts, reenforcing that are adulterous and make us think that what we feel can lead our lifes when in God we have to know that somethings are true despite our feelings, and that despite the fluctuations of our affections, Gods love is all we need to hold on to and that when we have lost that that is when we truely have nothing.

The Hoosiers - Clinging on for Life (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzLKMuyonqw )
When i have listened to this song ive always loved how meldious it is. Then last night i was getting ready for bed n i literally couldnt get it out of my head.
It really hit me when i was listening to it and looking at the lyrics that in our lives it can so easily be about how we are with God and with him as love.

When it speaks of Love - "I need you to reach me, teach me, how to love" God is love we cant learn about him if we dont draw close to him. and we cant truely love people without his love in our lives.

I also feel like the reason we need to "cling on for life" is because in our lives it is so easily to get distracted by other things that take our attention off God things that we need to cling on to his love to live the lives he intended for us.

Then when it says about how "made enough mistakes between the two of us to sink this thing" despite it being in the plural giving shared blame i think we can often miss that it is our own faults, like now im realising yes i have screwed up majourly yet again but at the same time the Lord has given me the strength and the faith to cling on for life that i would truly depend on him and know that despite everything he still loves me and i can still draw close to him.

I think its awesome how vast the Love of God is and how despite everything we can see snippits of his love in things all around us even in secular song lyrics.

Praise the lord oh my soul, may i praise the name of the lord all the days of my life and rejoice in his blessings and grace through every trial, that i may grow in faith and dependance on him and his awesome love amen.

Im done..

Kinda found the end of myself which is good.
Having spent months being in a messed up friendship that resembled a relationship..
It is Finished!
It might sound strange but i have been waiting for him to find someone who he actively wants to pursue n i hope the lord would show him the true desire to pursue somebody that is worth everything to them, the love Christ has for his church and a man should have for his wife.

Despite not being in a relationship it was a awkward middle ground of false promises and half commitments that where never fulfilled which left him frustrated with me for my emotional attachment and me frustrated with him for his lac of consistency.

Now having heard he is pursuing someone i feel sad at the lac of worth it gives me..
At the same time Im Happy that i have..
.. no reason to hold on...
... no reason to hope...
... no reason to let anything distract me from the lord and his purpose for my life.
I know the Lord is my strength.
I know that one day the lord will put me on somebodies heart that they would find me worthy of pursuing.
I know that one day the lord will have drawn me so close to his heart that he will want to show me the man who's heart will be made one with my own in covenant.

Having prayed for desperation i think i may be at the beginnings which after a pretty stressful month where i found my own limits so often the lord is guiding me into his courts and beckoning me into his presence that i know that Jesus love is sufficient. I am in his church, his bride that he pursues, that the only man the lord has for me will demonstrate that christ like love of sacrifice.

Thinking of the story of Ruth i feel confident in the knowledge that the lord has somebody out there to be my Boaz to take the challenge for my heart and that will love me as their ruth that despite being broken, having left the home n gods of my parents pagan faith that i might be worth the love of a redemptive man of God, and that as a part of that love he would persue me and win me as his bride.

It may be heavy, but this is about the Lord in my life n this is what he is doing so i will share it honestly n pray that you would find the same peace of the Lord as your home and that knowing me the sinner with what the lord is teaching me would be an encouragement.

May the God of Abraham be Glorified.
The Lord Jesus our Saviour be lifted high.
And may the courts of our king be our home.
Life is just practice, heavens the Goal.

Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!!

God High Forcast!!

Hi this might sound a bit funny but I'm forecasting a God High.

Justification...

... normally when life is really crap n things feel like they are falling to pieces God uses it to draw us closer to him and into the fellowship of his love and truth.

... as i currently feel really crappy in a whats the point kinda way i feel like God must have something that he is preparing for me in this trial if that makes sense.

... as his word says that he "uses everything for the good of those that love him and are called according to his purpose" there has to be something good to come out of my current feelings of stress and lowness.

... and as he uses these trials to build character im sure he will show me something about myself which i am needing to develop and improve on! which though humbling is really important.

... kinda prayed for a desperation for him last week!!

... despite being fully aware that to be desperate to see more of him things tend to have to get really crappy i really want to see more of him and feel him more tangibly in my life, not that i dont see him working but that i want to see what he is doing now and what he wants me to do to further his kingdom and to share his love and grace with those who have yet to meet him.

So in the near future the is a God high forcast :D

(hope this is a more coherent ramble than my last God bless x)

fallen creation

Recently i have been thinking about the consequences of the fall which i know kinda encompasses all sin and damnation which isn't to be made little of because it meant the lord Jesus had to die for our sins.

The way its hit me recently though is in the awareness of self sense. It kinda began to hit me a few months ago when I was writing one of my assignments on how people tell stories to recreate how people see them.
One of the people i quoted made a comment about how people are only made aware of their own appearance and representation by how they see others. This reminds me of Adam and Eve when they were filled with shame about their naked bodies.

I think the thing is we look at other people and critique their appearance or how they come across and subconsciously we think they are doing the same to us. Does this mean that we all need to jus think less about judging people and how we appear.

In all honesty I think that we tend to get caught up so much in the superficial that we negate to focus on our development as a person. I know its not true of everybody but I think I'm starting to be more honest to myself about how I see things and it scares me that I could really be like that. I feel like I'm beginning to see how counter productive self awareness is. How harmful knowledge can be.

It's like when humanity fell and died spiritually we all gained a naive belief that knowledge is a good thing when really God wanted us to be safe in a dependence on his love and grace that didn't need justification and that we couldn't use earthly knowledge to deceive our selves, in our earthly attempts to live in sin and to be ignorant to his grace.

So because of this isn't knowledge in many ways just a synonym for temptation. The more we know the more arrogant we become and the more self righteous. we get to a point in our own sin that we really believe that don't need God.

For this reason I feel like earthly knowledge is kinda pointless, and I know I'm using knowledge as a broad term but i don't know how else to describe what I mean. I'm just on a journey to depend more on the Lord and pray he would reveal things to me at the right times that I may be used by him.

Sorry if I'm at all repetitive but I pray the Lord would use this to and bless you in his righteousness and the might of his glory, Amen.

Motivation?

mmm...
Ironically it has taken me three days to be motivated enough to articulate my recent rambling thoughts on motivation!

From listening to various sermons by people at Mars Hill Seattle (http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/midweek-classes). I have been motivated to think about my own motivation for life and self improvement.

Culture either pushes our motivation to self improvement to be focused on the aesthetic as though the character of a person is negligible comparable to how they look. Where as the bible tells us that "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" and "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom".

With this in mind what motivates us I know that myself I'm so often preoccupied by how I think others perceive me. So much so that I have spent months of my life thinking about what I can do to improve myself in the eyes of the person I'm especially fond of. With no consideration to what about when they aren't there and the lasting effect of the change.

I know how I have focused so much on the development of my self confidence based on the opinion of one person that now he is taken out of the equation I'm left thinking how much of a fool I have been.

That despite knowing my worth as a daughter of the living God; that the lord loved me enough to send his son to die for my sins. That my opinion of my self as a physical being should be based on the lord having made me beautiful and not that a guy thinks I am.

Now having learn a lesson I always thought i wouldn't need to learn, I'm humbled.
I know the lord made me as he intended and that in him my image is as it should be.
That one day there will be a man of the lord, that the lord has put aside for me.
But until that day I know that my motivation to change shouldn't be focused on my appearance, or my confidence in my self worth based on my appearance.

It should be based on the improvement on my heart and character.
That my heart would reflect the love of Christ.
That my motivation would be to love the Lord more.
That the desires of my heart would be to grow in character; that I would fear the lord.

That the motivation of my heart to do so would grow with each day that I would know that my home is in his house!

Praise the lord that despite my earthly nature that his grace is so much vaster than my comprehension; that despite the limitations of my humanity i can grow to know and love him more by the overwhelming power of his name and blood by which i am saved!

Hallelujah!!

notes...

..is the point of this to make notes on ur life?

Seasons of change kinda requires that you know what you need to change.. Doesn't it?

Or at least that u jus give your self to God so wholly that he has full reign n can show you where you have screwed up!- kinda a funny one its the most logical thing to do in the long run but at the same time we kick up such a fuss about it - well i know i do.

The beauty of giving yourself over to God is that he honor's it and living in his will for your life is the most liberating yet challenging thing you can do.

Accepting that his will is bigger than what we can comprehend, that no matter how much we screw up he loves us so much that if we give ourselves to him he stops us encountering more than we can handle (1corinthians10v13) and then he uses that for his glory and building up character to make integral witnesses of those who love him.

Isn't his grace beautiful?..

..that "we know that in all things the lord works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose."(romans8v28)

Kinda on a personal note I've realized that indulging in sin has not only stunted the active growth of my faith n love of the lord, but has in a active life sense undone the action in my life of those things that i know the lord had changed in me. As in i know he changed me but when i didnt live in his love and grace and mercy i stopped living in those changes and am now finding that i have to relearn old lessons! but by his grace n mercy he is patient n will give me the second chance.

Or as it may be in some cases..
a third..
forth...
fifth chance!

so many chances i cant count that i don't deserve but his grace n mercy n love is so vast that i cant even comprehend it, and at the same time that i abuse it so much make me sad.

i think the worst part is to think that every thing that seems so little..
off thoughts..
disrespecting authority..
thinking about people as more than they are to you..
lust..

Even all these things that are inside that don't even have to come out in word or deed to be are dirt to God. They cause our separation to God. They cost Jesus his life. They made the son of God separate to God by making him into our sin! my sin.

Yet despite all this.

God loves us so much that he willed it to be.

He Gave His Perfect Pure Holy Righteous Son...

To become sin!

To become our shame, condemnation, deceit, lies, lust, selfishness.

How Holy is our God?

How much Grace?

We cant begin to imagine the whole of God.

But praise the lord that he loves us this much and gives us the option and choice to obay him in love and to chose to love him and spend eternity basking in his presence.

:D !!!!!!!!HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!! :D

**FB 0010 18thsept2009**

Seasons of Change

I am really sad in a sado sense n wanted to share my weridio lifo blerb.

The love of the lord is sooo amazing and thats the best part, I dont know what i would do without him.

Over the summer i got distracted by my own sinful nature n neglected the lord in my life.

I told myself so many times i would change failed every time from trying to do it in my own strength.

Then over the last few days i have gone from the most emotional i have pretty much ever been!!
to hearing the lord speak into my life again, for the first time audibly for like a month! (missed him)

Now i have begun the process of getting out of my indulging in sin
and back to focus on the lord and his hand in my life!

As a consequence might have lost the best friend i have ever been blessed with!

But i know that the Lords heart for me is greater than anything i could plan for myself
Now i just have to wait on him, n try n learn patience for the first time in 20 yrs!!

Well the lord can do anything. (fortunately other wise Lillie = stuffed)

**mm directly coppied from FB notes from 2am 17th sept 2009**

The Introduction!

Hello!

I am Lillie,
I like to talk a lot,
I also love God,
I love his love n grace n mercy n just generally Him!

Sooo i started jus thinking about how great he is and how much is is doing in my life and started a note on FB yesterday... then did another one today... then thought its a bit silly... may as well start a blog?! why not! so here I am... tho to be honest the sound of a blog sounds a bit official to me so i call it a blerb! Cos its just lillie ramble, and if you were with me n i gotta rambling this is what would blerb out!

Well i hope that these thoughts and experiences of the lord are a blessing and encouragement.
I also pray that they may help people that havent met Jesus know how he is Alive, with us and what he did for us when he roamed the earth.

Well May God bless you abundantly!

Lils