Im done..

Kinda found the end of myself which is good.
Having spent months being in a messed up friendship that resembled a relationship..
It is Finished!
It might sound strange but i have been waiting for him to find someone who he actively wants to pursue n i hope the lord would show him the true desire to pursue somebody that is worth everything to them, the love Christ has for his church and a man should have for his wife.

Despite not being in a relationship it was a awkward middle ground of false promises and half commitments that where never fulfilled which left him frustrated with me for my emotional attachment and me frustrated with him for his lac of consistency.

Now having heard he is pursuing someone i feel sad at the lac of worth it gives me..
At the same time Im Happy that i have..
.. no reason to hold on...
... no reason to hope...
... no reason to let anything distract me from the lord and his purpose for my life.
I know the Lord is my strength.
I know that one day the lord will put me on somebodies heart that they would find me worthy of pursuing.
I know that one day the lord will have drawn me so close to his heart that he will want to show me the man who's heart will be made one with my own in covenant.

Having prayed for desperation i think i may be at the beginnings which after a pretty stressful month where i found my own limits so often the lord is guiding me into his courts and beckoning me into his presence that i know that Jesus love is sufficient. I am in his church, his bride that he pursues, that the only man the lord has for me will demonstrate that christ like love of sacrifice.

Thinking of the story of Ruth i feel confident in the knowledge that the lord has somebody out there to be my Boaz to take the challenge for my heart and that will love me as their ruth that despite being broken, having left the home n gods of my parents pagan faith that i might be worth the love of a redemptive man of God, and that as a part of that love he would persue me and win me as his bride.

It may be heavy, but this is about the Lord in my life n this is what he is doing so i will share it honestly n pray that you would find the same peace of the Lord as your home and that knowing me the sinner with what the lord is teaching me would be an encouragement.

May the God of Abraham be Glorified.
The Lord Jesus our Saviour be lifted high.
And may the courts of our king be our home.
Life is just practice, heavens the Goal.

Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!!